Sin&Forgiveness.

It's ugly.
I see it in me...a lot.
I see it in others.
I see the consequences of it.

It's days like today that I get why men and women in ministry leave after such a short time of giving all of themselves to God's work. When sin enters in, all that progress can seem lost and we lose heart.

I was home for a short visit and flew back early this morning excited & refreshed for the coming weeks. Less than an hour from when I left the airport I had a friend confess sin to me. DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! All the hours of Bible study, conversing of the boundaries set in place, God's goodness & His blessings felt as though they meant nothing.

So many emotions ran through me in a short period of time. Hurt. Anger. Frustration! Deep saddness. Peace.

Justice & Mercy. TWO EXTREMES. How do I, a sinner, extend these two? What is the balance? How did Jesus do it?

The adultress woman: "Go, leave your life of sin."
Jesus had every right to cast the first stone, seeing as he was without sin. But he FORGAVE. He extended mercy, but her sin was exposed for all to see...was that the justice? Humiliation?
The Prodigal Son: Welcomed him back with open arms
It is not about be a self-righteous man or woman. Its being the loving father, always waiting, anticipating, accepting the return of his son, asking nothing in return.

So, there were several moments of "why did I get myself into ministry?" and "how am I to respond?" today. It's humbling that God chooses to use ME. A sinner. Forgiven each and every day. I live a life that is not my own that I don't deserve. So, I am choosing to not lose heart. It would be so easy to walk away from this situation, to give in and say, "you win, satan" but HE DOESN'T! Christ has the VICTORY!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangels, and let us run with perseverance the rave marked out for us. Let us FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS, the Author and Perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, SO THAT YOU WILL NOT GROW WEARY AND LOSE HEART." - Hebrews 12:1-3